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Fishing jokes, funny fish stories and funny stories of jailbirds and jockeys, plus famous quotes from Bill, the Best of his Breed. Laugh a lot. Meet the gang at Surfer Sam. Life's a beach!
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The Joke's On us
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Nothing Great
Was Ever Achieved
Without Enthusiasm!!!
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GONE FISHING
FUNNY FISHING JOKES AND STORIES
A fisherman,'twixt you and I
Will very seldom tell a lie---
Except when it is needed to
Describe the fish that left his view.
Here's to our fisherman bold,
Here's to the fish he CAUGHT,
Here's to the one that got away,
And here's to the one he BOUGHT.
Here's to the fish that I may catch,
So large that even I,
When talking of it afterward,
Will never need to lie.
A bad day of fishing is still better than a good day at work.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall? Dam!
Fishing is worth any amount of effort
and any amount of expense
to people who love it,
because in the end
you get such a large number of dreams per fish. - Ian Frazier, The Fish's Eye
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
Honk if you Love Conch!
A couple goes on vacation
to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota.
The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn.
The wife likes to read.
One morning the husband returns after several
hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although she isn't familiar with the lake
the wife decides to take the boat.
She motors out a short distance,
anchors, and continues to read her book.
Along comes the game warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside and says,
"Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replies, thinking
isn't that obvious?
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he
informs her.
"But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll
have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with
rape," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the
game warden.
"That's true, but you do have all the
equipment."
Fish Hook Salesman
A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big
"everything under the roof department store" looking for a job.
The manager says " Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says " Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Missouri."
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start
tomorrow. I"ll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did
you make today?" he asked.
The kid says "One."
The boss says, "Just one?!! Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales a
day! How much was the sale for?
The kid says, " $101,237.64"
The boss says, "$101,237.64? WHAT THE HECK DID YOU SELL?"
Kid says, " First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a
medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new
fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down
at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat. So we went down to
the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took
him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, " A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold
him a BOAT AND A TRUCK??"
The kid says, " No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his
wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go
fishing!!!' "
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 | Surgeon leaving operating room:"That was close!"
Assistant: "What do you mean?"
"An inch either way and I would have been out of my specialty."
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First inmate: "Betcha you can't climb up that beam of light shining in the window."
Second inmate: "Do you think I'm crazy? I'd get halfway up and you'd turn it off."
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Dear old lady:"Pardon me, sailor, but do those tattoo marks wash off?"
Old salt: "Couldn't say, ma'am."
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| The indignant owner after the race was giving the jockey a piece of his mind. "A fine jockey you are!" he said. "I distinctly told you to come away with a rush at the corner. Why didn't you?" "Well," retorted the jockey tartly, "it didn't seem quite sporting to leave the horse behind."
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Browser Bill... Best of His Breed
Many people will walk in and out of your life,
But only true friends will leave
footprints in your heart.
To deal with yourself, use your head;
To deal with others, use your heart.
Anger is only one letter short of danger.
If someone betrays you once, it is his
fault;
If he betrays you twice, it is your fault.
Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.
He who loses money, loses much;
He who loses a friend, loses much more;
He who loses faith, loses all.
Beautiful young people
are accidents of
nature,
But beautiful old people
are works of art.
Learn from the mistakes of others.
You can't live long enough
to make them all
yourself.
Friends, you and me....
You brought another friend....
And then there were three....
We started our group....
Our circle of friends....
And like that circle....
There is no beginning or end....
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift.
Is that why it's called the
PRESENT?
From Browser Bill,
just a silly old bear!
hugs!
Please return to the top
Hey, thanks for the stock tips.
Remember when I thought
the S&P 500 was a car race?
You're visiting Surfer Sam and Friends Online Magazine, a free public service. We're dishing up funny jokes, famous quotes and sage advice. We've also got free ecards - Surfer Cards - for you to email. So enjoy yourself here. Chill out and relax. Laugh a lot. Meet the gang. And thanks for helping out, mate. Life's a beach!
Great fishing jokes, funny fish stories and funny stories of jailbirds and jockeys, plus famous quotes from Bill, the Best of his Breed.
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