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 How many centipedes does it take to change a light bulb? |
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Why don't sharks eat lawyers? |
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Why don't cannibals eat clowns? |
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Why is Santa so jolly? |
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Why couldn't Noah catch any fish while he was on the ark? |
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What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?
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Why is cream more expensive than milk? |
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Why did the blonde stare at orange juice for two hours?
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How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? |
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My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father gets home."
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My Mother taught me about RECEIVING...
"You are going to get it when we get home!" |
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My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you.. Don't talk back to me!"
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My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
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My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
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My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
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My Mother taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
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My Mother taught me HUMOR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
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My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
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My Mother taught me about GENETICS..
"You're just like your father."
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My Mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
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My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
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And my all time favorite - JUSTICE...
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you...Then you'll see what it's like." |
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"Buy a Pentium XVII/90 so you can reboot faster."
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"2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."
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"Anything that can go wrong will go wrong."
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"Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes."
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"My software never has bugs. It just develops random features."
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"If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway."
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"Best file compression around: \"DEL *.*\" = 100% compression"
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"The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in."
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"If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something."
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"BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding"
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"BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!"
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"It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious."
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"Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..."
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"Every solution breeds new problems."
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"As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing."
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"Two wrongs are only the beginning."
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"Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS..."
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"All computers wait at the same speed."
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"DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors."
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"Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view."
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It's been fun! Did you know that "desserts" is just "stressed" spelled backwards?
 Happy DAZE, Cyndi
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You're visiting Surfer Sam and Friends Online Magazine, a free public service. We're dishing up funny jokes, famous quotes and sage advice. We've also got free ecards - Surfer Cards - for you to email. So enjoy yourself here. Chill out and relax. Laugh a lot. Meet the gang. And thanks for helping out, mate. Life's a beach!