| Golf jokes and funny golf stories from Duffer Dave. Dave proves that golf is a funny sport. His golf balls are in the water hazard and so are his golf clubs. He doesn't break par on the golf course, but his web page is a hole-in-one.
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The Joke's On us
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I just flew in from Chicago,
and boy are my arms tired!
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Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.
Warning label on
Batman costume
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Play the course as you find it.
Play the ball as it lies.
In golf, it's never over
until the ball is in the hole.
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Life is a journey...
taken one shot at a time.
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Today you can be as happy as you want to be.
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Golf jokes and funny golf stories from Duffer Dave. Golf is a funny sport. My golf balls are in the water hazard and so are my clubs. I don't break par on the golf course, but my web page is a hole-in-one.
All I've got against golf is that it takes you so far from the club house.-Eric Linklater
The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish. -Sam Snead
Statistics indicate that, as a result of overwork, modern executives are dropping like flies on the nation's golf courses. -Ira Wallach
My doctor's on the Golf Diet. He lives on greens.
If you watch a game, that's fun.
If you play it, that's recreation.
But if you work at it, that's golf.-- -Bob Hope
Most of the people who do great things in life are alone.... especially on a golf course.
A golfer drove his tee shot onto an anthill. After many swings he demolished the anthill, but still had not hit the ball. At this point one of the two ants still alive turned to the other ant and said, "If we're going to survive, we'd better get on the ball!"
Old golfers never quit; they just putter around.
Some golfers know more ways to slice than a food processor.
Golf has given me an understanding of the futility of human effort.
I play golf in the 70s - when it gets colder, I quit.
If you can smile when all around you have lost their heads -
you must be the caddy.
Golf is a form of work made expensive enough for rich people to enjoy.
Golf: Another method of beating around the bush.
Golf: A game in which you can't improve your lie.
It differs from politics.
Golf: A good walk spoiled. -Mark Twain
The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning. He realized that it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny spring day and decided he just had to play golf.
So he told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him.
Then he headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
 About this time, St. Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from heaven and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed and said, "No, I guess not."
Just then Father Norton hit the ball. It shot straight toward the pin, dropped just short of it, and rolled up and fell into the hole.
IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. he looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?!
The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
 ELLING IT LIKE IT IS
Put-Downs and Come-Backs
 He donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
He has a photographic memory, but with the lens cover glued on.
The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
He has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
He is one neuron short of a synapse.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge... He only gargled.
It takes him two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
A kind-hearted man saw a little boy trying to reach a doorbell. He rang the bell for him, then said:
"What now, my little man?"
"Run like crazy," said the boy. "That's what I'm going to do!"
 Well, that's all, folks! This is Duffer Dave's page.
Duffer Dave... Before they made me,
they broke the mold.
I'd like to thank the entire gang. I'm just happy that I'm not the only slackers in the crew. You make me proud.
Please return to the top.
SURFER SAM'S
GUIDED TOUR |
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You're visiting Surfer Sam and Friends Online Magazine.
We're dishing up funny jokes, famous quotes, games, stories, friends and sage advice. We've also got free ecards - Surfer Cards - for you to email. So enjoy yourself here. Chill out and relax. Laugh a lot. Meet the gang. And thanks for helping out, mate. Life's a beach!
Golf jokes and funny golf stories from Duffer Dave. My golf balls are in the water hazard and so are my golf clubs. Golf is a funny sport. I don't break par on the golf course, but my web page is a hole-in-one. 
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