Funny Dumb, Stupid Jokes
The Booby Prize
The Booby Prize is Awarded in Tribute to
the Inexorable Stupidity of our Fellow Humans
is awarded to folks who demonstrate funny aptitude for idiocy, lunacy, importunacy, inadequacy, inefficacy, obstinacy and vagrancy. Their distinguished under-achievements take the pressure off the rest of us. The nominations are already pouring in. Apparently, there is no lack of candidates for this year's Booby Prize. Here are a few of the Funny, Dumb and Stupid Jokes
Funny, Dumb and Stupid. I am a medical student
currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Funny, Dumb and Stupid. Early this year, some Boeing employees
on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Funny, Dumb and Stupid. A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
walked into the Branch and wrote this: "Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
~~~~~ ~~~~~Funny, Dumb and Stupid. A motorist was unknowingly caught
in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.
Funny, Dumb and Stupid. A guy walked into a little corner store
with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "No, because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
Funny, Dumb and Stupid. A pair of Michigan robbers
entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, it startled the first bandit, who then shot him.
Funny, Dumb and Stupid. Seems this guy in Arkansas wanted some beer
pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
I live in a semi-rural area in Kingman, Kansas.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
My daughter went to a local
Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
He was a chef in Kansas City.
In Birmingham, Alabama, I was at the airport,
checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked. "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
The stoplight on the corner buzzes
when its safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , Kansas
We had a good-bye luncheon
for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
I work with an individual who plugged
her power strip back into itself and, for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office no less.
Funny, Dumb and Stupid. When my husband and I arrived
at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!"
He replied, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
What are the chances
you know someone who should be nominated for the prize? If you didn't win a prize - and especially if you did - better luck next year!
I hope life brings you much success.
I wish you a very happy day.
----- Surfer Sam