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Funny Football Jokes and Football Quotes Part 1

All football fans go a little crazy at the game. But great players, coaches and fans score some winning jokes. So how can you tell a real fan? You're a great football fan, if you've ever done something like this...

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You're a Great Football Fan If...

You said your wedding vows while watching a football game out of the corner of your eye.

You proposed at a tailgate party.

You asked your wife to have a Caesarian Section, because the baby was due on Super Bowl Sunday.

In preparation for a romantic evening you put on a football helmet.

Your children are named Ditka, Heisman and O.J.

You did the end zone hustle at your wedding reception.

You dated the team mascot in costume.

Your definition of "getting lucky" is finding a football ticket in your wife's jeans.

Your wife saw your marriage proposal on the stadium scoreboard.

You've ever worn face paint to Sunday church.

You met your wife when she was selling hotdogs at the stadium.

You keep a football playbook in the bathroom.

Your girlfriend used to date most of the players on the team.

Your season tickets cost more than your house.

You have a tattoo of your team logo.

Your wedding colors were the same as your team colors.

You've offered to post bail for a football player.

You're definition of "getting lucky" is a seat on the fifty-yard line.

Stadium Food Service catered your wedding.

In preparation for a romantic evening, you ask your wife to wear a cheerleader outfit.

You missed weekend visitation rights because of a football game.

You and your wife stay married for the sake of the bobblehead collection. smiley face

You do "the wave" when you're asleep in bed.

In the school yearbook, you're wearing the team uniform on picture day.

Your prenuptial agreement mentions season tickets.

You named your dog Touchdown.

You have three big screen TV's in the living room for Sunday's games.

You've worn the same shirt on Sundays for seven years.

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Football Coaches Never Drop the Ball

He can beat your'n with his'n and he can beat his'n with your'n.
Pro football coach Bum Phillips on the merits of coach Don Shula

The race may not be to the swift nor the victory to the strong, but that's how you bet.
Damon Runyon

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.
Vince Lombardi

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

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funny political outhouse
Clickin' gits 'er big.

Just don't look up.

funny political outhouse
Clickin' gits 'er big.

Who Dey?

funny football
Clickin' gits 'er big.

What's the call?

funny hair haircut
Clickin' gits 'er big.

Haircut of the year

Merle:   I hear your husband is a linguist.
Verle:   Yes, he speaks three languages, golf, football and baseball.

The Baltimore Colts are a bright young team. It seems as if they have their future ahead of them.
Curt Gowdy

I'm the footbal coach around here and don't you remember it.
Florida State coach Bill Peterson

Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.
Will Rogers

Go big. That's a reference to doing a big jump and catching big air, but it applies to everyday life, too. I talk about the importance of going big in whatever you do. Don't do it halfway.
Kristen Ulmer, Extreme Sports Athlete

No one ever says "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.

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More Football Jokes and Quotes

He had a God-given killer instinct.
Al Davis of the Oakland Raiders talking about George Blanda

"Over?! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"
John Belushi as Bluto Blutarsky (Animal House)

The country is full of good coaches. What it takes to win is a bunch of interested players.
Don Coryell former coach of the San Diego Chargers

At the base of it was the urge, if you wanted to play football, to knock someone down. That was what the sport was all about, the will to win closely linked with contact.
George Plimpton

In doing your work in the great world, it is a safe plan to follow a rule I once heard on the football field: Don't flinch, don't fall; hit the line hard.
Theodore Roosevelt

if winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?
Vincent Lombardi

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It is only when you are pursued that you become swift.
Kahil Gibran

Cheerleaders have Johnny Campbell to thank for introducing the sport to America. In 1898, Campbell, caught up in the excitement of a University of Minnesota football game, leapt to his feet in front of the crowd and led other spectators in a rousing version of a cheer, "Rah, Rah, Rah! Sku-u-mar, Hoo-Rah! Hoo-Rah! Varsity! Varsity, Minn-e-So-Tah!" From that one-man-show, cheerleading has expanded to include more than three million young men and women in the United States alone.

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Sports heroes who made it big on the silver screen include John Wayne, who played football for Southern Cal. But after a surfing injury sidelined him, he turned his talents to acting.

Vision is easy. Execution is hard.

The first two letters in the word goal are G-O.

For as long as he coached, Paul "Bear" Bryant had this sign hanging in his locker room: "Cause something to happen."

Effective leaders remember and act upon the fact that all work is done ultimately by people, with people, through people, and for people. Leaders function by creating alignment around tasks, inspiring and relating to people. It is grounded in the four chambers of leadership's heart: intimacy, integrity, passion, and competence.
Roger Staubach

A successful leader has to be innovative. If you're not one step ahead of the crowd, you'll soon be a step behind everyone else.
Tom Landry, NFL coach

Learning is defined as a change in behavior. You haven't learned a thing until you can take action and use it.
Don Shula

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Football Funnies

I went to the Super Bowl, and when I arrived, I realized that my seat is in the last row. After the game started, I noticed an empty seat right on the fifty-yard line. I made my way to the empty seat and said to the man sitting next to it, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?"

The man replied, "No, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she died. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been at together since we got married in 1967."

"Well, that's terribly sad. But couldn't you find anyone else to take the seat? A close relative or friend?"

'No," the man replied. "They're all at the funeral." smiley face

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One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.
Jane Austen (1775-1817) in Emma

The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.
Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst.

Unanswered Questions????     OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

The quality of a man's life is in direct proportion to his commitment to excellence.
Tom Landry, Coach, Football Hall of Fame

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I hope you have a very happy day !!

Have you seen Football Jokes Part 2?

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I hope life brings you much success. I wish you a very happy day.
-----     Surfer Sam  

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