--Bob Ettinger

--Oscar Wilde

--Robin Williams

Make love, not war.
-Hell, do both. GET MARRIED!


Man to proctologist during an exam: "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"

Marriage - Part VI - The Doilies

There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoebox and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.

When he opened it, he found two crocheted doilies and a stack of money totaling $25,000. He asked her about the contents.

"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily."

The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious doilies were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

"Honey," he said, "that explains the doilies, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the doilies."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

THE FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

AND FINALLY...Marriage - Part VII

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jackasses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


In 1976, a Los Angeles secretary formally married her 50-pound pet rock.

My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn't.


Sex drive:   A physical craving that begins in adolescence and ends at marriage.

Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling.

Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.

Love is a grave mental disease.

It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.

A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.

I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it.

Marriage. A master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.

Marriage is not a word but a sentence.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

If I ever marry it will be on a sudden impulse, as a man shoots himself.

For the middle class, marriage is the only adventure left.

I was married once. Now I just lease.

I married beneath me. All women do.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. One day my wife came home early from work and found us in bed together.

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart, and to sing it to them when they have forgotten.

Treasure the one who is thinking of you when all others are thinking of themselves.

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle) Email this page link to a friend.

...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while!!

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