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Funny Jokes, Cop Jokes, Blonde Jokes
Come on in! The water's fine!
My page is part of the great lineup
at Surfer Sam and Friends.
Here's where you'll find
jokes, free ecards, wise words and friends.
This One's a Turkey!
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery
store,
but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a
stock boy,
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied,
"No ma'am, they're dead."
 Caught for Speeding
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was driving the speeding car rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing,
he sent the kid on his
way without a ticket.
Stuck Under A Bridge
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes
up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge
is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars
are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and
walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and
says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says,
"No, I was delivering this bridge and ran
out of gas."
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street
with one foot
on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're
obviously drunk."
The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm
drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Obviously relieved, the wino said,
"That's a relief - I thought I was a
cripple."
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom
disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over
six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more,
he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali
too.
Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape
artist-probably better than Houdini." The giant nodded.
"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show
us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of
handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break
out of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four
minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
"Are you sure?" the deputy asked.
The fellow tried again.
"Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."
"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."
 Too Late
The man was in no shape to drive,
so he wisely left his car
parked and walked home.
As he was walking unsteadily along,
he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out
here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." The man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife," said the man.
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There are two kinds of mosquitoes:
those small enough to get through the screen door
and those big enough to open it.
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 Let's go for stupid with a couple of blonde jokes.
At two in the morning
a married couple is asleep
when the telephone rings. The
blonde wife picks up the telephone, listens a moment and shouts, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hangs up.
The husband says, "Who was that?"
The wife says, "I don't know.
Somebody asking if the coast is clear."
 More Blondes
Two blondes are walking down the street.
One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.
She opens it, looks in the mirror and says,
"Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says,"Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says,
"You dummy, it's me!"
 You can never have too many blondes!
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked
to find her house ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels,
and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash,
the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered,
and dropped to the steps with her face in her hands.
"I can't believe this!
I come home to find all my possessions stolen," she moans,
"I call the police for help,
and they send me a BLIND cop.
 This has my stamp of approval
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for
her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50
Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "Oh, my word! Has it come to this?
Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Protestants, 32 Baptists."
Bumper Sticker Blitz
100% not sure.
I can't have a life...I have homework.
I left my brain in my locker.
My virtual dog ate my homework computer files!
I used up all my sick time at work.
Now I have to call in DEAD!
Yes, I plan on wearing flip-flops the rest of my life.
So there I was, minding my own business, when along comes Sam.
"How about putting together a page for our web site, dude?" he asks me. And just a brief seven months later, here it is.
Remember when we were kids and when we were playing
with our friends and something didn't turn out the way we wanted
it to?
Someone would yell out... DO OVER!
Then we simply
started all over again,
and did it right the second time around.
Who says that my web page can't be a DO OVER?
Maybe I'll get it right the next time around.
 Last Words
The newspaper ran an obituary for Mrs. Hoogterp.
Trouble was, Mrs. Hoogterp was still very much alive,
and she ordered the newspaper to print a retraction.
So the newspaper printed this retraction.
"Mrs. Hoogterp wishes it to be known
that she has not yet been screwed in her coffin."
I went to the proctologist today.
Bend over, he said, and crack a smile.
Wherever you are,
it is your friends who make your world.
--William James
Anyone who has ever hammered a nail into his nose owes a debt of gratitude to me.
Please return to the top.
You're visiting Surfer Sam and Friends Online Magazine. We're dishing up funny jokes, famous quotes and sage advice. We've also got free ecards - Surfer Cards. So enjoy yourself here. Chill out and relax. Laugh a lot. Meet the gang. And thanks for helping out, mate. Life's a beach!
Blonde jokes, cop jokes, funny jokes and Kevin
Surfer Sam's
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