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Funny books, children's books, funny jokes and funny stories. Leeza is so very politically incorrect.
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The Joke's On us
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To KNOW
is nothing at all.
To IMAGINE
is everything.
---Anatole France Thibault
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The earth does not belong to us. We belong to it.
--Black Elk
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Day by day Penelope would weave at the great web, but by night would unravel it.
---Homer, Odyssey
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Start every day with a smile and get it over with.
--W.C. Fields
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Today you can be as happy as you want to be.
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Funny books, children's books, funny jokes and funny stories. Leeza is so politically incorrect.
GREAT CHILDREN'S BOOKS
that have never been published. Duh!
Here is a list of kid's books that the publishers rejected. We rescued them from the slush pile at the office of Simon and Shooters.
- You Are Different and That's Bad
- The Boy Who Died From Eating All His
Vegetables
- Dad's New Wife Robert
- Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share,
by Helen Back
- Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An
I-Can-Do-It Book
- The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
- Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
- Curious George and the High-Voltage
Fence
- All Cats Go to Hell
- The Little Sissy Who Snitched
- Some Kittens Can Fly
- That's It, I'm Putting You Up for
Adoption
- Grandpa Gets a Casket
- The Magic World Inside the Abandoned
Refrigerator
- Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
- The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
- Strangers Have the Best Candy
- Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your
Way
- You Were an Accident
- Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
- Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great
Microwave Games
- The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
- Your Nightmares Are Real
- Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
- Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
- Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical
Outlet Be Friends?
- Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat
Things
- Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
- and my personal favorite:
What Briuses Do When You Poke Them With Your Finger
Tongue Twister, say it fast five times!!
I slit the sheets, the sheets I slit,
and on the slitted sheets I sit.
The cop said, "Good evening sir.
You were going 60 in a 50 mph zone."
The guy said, "No, I wasn't"
The wife turned to him and said, "Yes, dear you were."
The man said, "Why don't you shut up?"
Then the cop said,
"You also didn't have your seatbelt on, sir."
Naturally the man said, "Sure I had it on."
Again the woman said, "No, honey, you didn't."
The man turned around and said angrily to the woman, "I told you to shut up!"
Then the cop bent down and said to the woman,
"Excuse me ma'am, but is this your husband?"
The woman said, "Yes, he is."
"Is he always this mean and rude with you?"
The woman said, "No, officer, only when he's DRUNK!"
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing
and you mean your mother.
I finally got my head together
and my body fell apart.
Sometimes I think I understand everything.
Then I regain consciousness.
Seen it all, done it all,
can't remember most of it.
What's the difference
between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know and I don't care.
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And Hi to all the friends (that means YOU)! Thanks for everything. Good to see ya again!
You're visiting Surfer Sam and Friends Online Magazine, a free public service. We're dishing up funny jokes, famous quotes and sage advice. We've also got free ecards - Surfer Cards - for you to email. So enjoy yourself here. Chill out and relax. Laugh a lot. Meet the gang. And thanks for helping out, mate. Life's a beach!
SURFER SAM'S
GUIDED TOUR |
Funny books, children's books, funny jokes and funny stories. Leeza is so politically incorrect. Laugh a lot. Meet the gang. Life's a beach!
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