Sales jokes, business jokes, advertising jokes and computer jokes. It's all funny business when Sam is on the job.
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The Joke's On us
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You block.
You tackle.
You win.
--Vince Lombardi
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I haven't failed.
I've found
10,000 ways
that didn't work.
--Benjamin Franklin
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Home
is not where you live, but where they understand you.
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SURFER SAM'S
GUIDED TOUR
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Sales jokes, and advertising jokes. It's all funny business when Sam is on the job.
SALES TALK
Sales talk is a secret language, especially when it comes to technology. But we've got the lowdown on advertising talk and sales buzz words. It's all NewSpeak. Here's a translation.
NEW PRODUCT
 Translation...Different color from previous design.
ALL NEW DESIGN
Translation...Parts not interchangable with previous design.
EXCLUSIVE
Translation...Imported product.
UNMATCHED
Translation...Almost as good as the competition.
DESIGN SIMPLICITY
Translation...Manufacturer's cost were cut to the bone.
FOOLPROOF OPERATION
Translation...No provision for adjustments.
ADVANCED DESIGN
Translation...The advertising agency doesn't understand it.
IT'S HERE AT LAST!
Translation...Rush job! Nobody knew it was coming.
BREAKTHROUGH PRODUCT
Translation...We finally figured out a way to sell it.
HIGH ACCURACY
Translation...Unit on which all parts fit.
DIRECT SALES ONLY
Translation...Factory had big argument with distributor.
REVOLUTIONARY
Translation...It's different from our competitiors.
FIELD-TESTED
Translation...Manufacturer lacks test equipment.
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT
Translation...We finally got one that works.
- Treat every customer as if the world revolves around them.
- No problem can withstand the sustained power of great attitudes. They are like ripples in the water...they spread.
- The team on top of the mountain didn't just fall there.
REMEMBER WHEN...
A Computer Was Something On TV
From A Science Fiction Show
A Window Was Something You Hated To Clean....
And RAM Was The Cousin Of A Goat...
Meg Was The Name Of My Girlfriend
And Gig Was Your Middle Finger Upright
Now They All Mean Different Things
And That Really Mega Bytes
An Application Was For Employment
A Program Was A TV Show
A Cursor Used Profanity
A Keyboard Was A Piano
Memory Was Something That You Lost With Age
A CD Was A Bank Account
And If You Had A 3 1/2" Floppy
You Hoped Nobody Found Out
Compress Was Something You Did To The Garbage
Not Something You Did To A File
And If You Unzipped Anything In Public
You'd Be In Jail For A While
Log On Was Adding Wood To The Fire
Hard Drive Was A Long Trip On The Road
A Mouse Pad Was Where A Mouse Lived
And A Backup Happened To Your Commode
Cut You Did With A Pocket Knife
Paste You Did With Glue
A Web Was A Spider's Home
And A Virus Was The Flu
I Guess I'll Stick To My Pad And Paper
And The Memory In My Head
Nobody's Been Killed In A Computer Crash
But When It Happens They Wish They Were Dead
The Top Ten Oxymorons With Attitude...
10. Plastic glasses
9. Computer security
8. Political science
7. Tight slacks
6. Definite maybe
5. Pretty ugly
4. Rap music
3. Working vacation
2. Religious tolerance
And the Number One Top Oxymoron...
1. Microsoft Works
Please return to the top.
"In this job, you have only two choices: you are either funny deliberately or you are funny unintentionally."
-- Henry Kissinger
-- And that goes for me, too.
You're visiting Surfer Sam and Friends Online Magazine, a free public service. We're dishing up funny jokes, famous quotes and sage advice. We've also got free ecards - Surfer Cards - for you to email. So enjoy yourself here. Chill out and relax. Laugh a lot. Meet the gang. And thanks for helping out, mate. Life's a beach!
Sales jokes, business jokes, advertising jokes, computer jokes. It's all funny business when Sam is on the job.
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